A fluffy wuffy who is close and dear to me -- no, I'm not being facetious -- described the war today: "It's a terrible business. It's just awful. I'm not going to find any joy in the outcome."

The subtext to this remark seemed to be that, well, yes it's good that Saddam Hussein is gone or going, but it's not appropriate to be happy about it.

Then I saw the elated crowds in Baghdad on the teev tonight. They held a slightly different view.

How ironic is that? Fluffs are appalled at the bombing, but the civilians of the city that was bombed are over the friggin' moon! Crikey, the fluffs are so solipsistic and sanctimonious, they won't even give (formerly) oppressed people credit for their own jubilation.

Speaking of sanctimonious solipsists: Heard Carlton Lite masturbating his larynx on the radio yesterday. He was quacking on disdainfully about the installation of an "American puppet" in the near future.

My first reaction was, well how do you know that this Iraqi will be a "puppet"? And even if he is, isn't that still an improvement on the puppet master who ran the joint before?

Weak-as-piss Carlton, like so many sad ol' lefty dreamers, clearly believes that Western capo-democracy is inferior to atavistic totalitarianism. Yet he's a deejay who makes squillions on a commerical radio station. It's hilarious! Hasn't he figured out that the very fact he can intersperse his unctuous oral advertorials with little pinko puffs of indignation and suffer no ill consequence whatsoever clearly illustrates how superior our system is to all the others on the planet -- let alone one that employs a human threshing machine to stay in power?

Obviously not.

What a tosser.

But back to the "terrible business" of war: Of course it's a terrible business. The battlefield is hardly a joyous and life-affirming work environment. And being a military commander, while not physically dangerous (er, unless you're an Iraqi one -- he, he!) is not exactly a pleasant gig. Apart from the knowledge of what you're going to do to the enemy, imagine how it feels to send your own citizens into danger? Does anyone actually believe that blokes like Rummy and Tommy Franks are actually enjoying their duties? Certainly, they are gaining satisfaction from knowing they are removing a tyrant. But I'm sure the feeling is very mixed. The worst that can be said of them is that they are looking at things in a cold and uncompromising manner, like a surgeon who looks at a gangrenous limb and realises all he can do is lop the bastard off.

Heartless? Perhaps. Cruel? No way.

John Lennon said "give peace a chance". The West does, all the time. Gave "peace" a chance for 12 years in Iraq.

I don't like the idea of violence. I'm a complete wuss. I've been known to wet myself when the pimply kid from the local video store phones to say I've got a fillum overdue. But how else do you deal with an immense group of mass-murderers and rapists who have complete control of an entire country. Send them an aromatherapy pack with affirmations? Some soap from the Body Shop? A little book of friggin' hugs?

Shit. Grow up fluffs. Evil is its own force. It's not evil to beat it down with greater force. The quicker and more thoroughly it's done, the better.

I was just scouring the Deckchair Theatre website for something to annoy me. Sure enough, I found it. (They never let me down.)

Here, on the "Late Suppers" page was this description: "THE LATE SUPPERS are an exclusive opportunity to discuss the craft of theatre with those whose work you've just enjoyed."

The obvious response to this is, why are they so damned sure you will have "just enjoyed" that night's play? Or is having a critical opinion of it a friggin' thought crime?

I just feel like having a bitch about young blokes and their dumb music. See, I'm in an internet cafe, as usual. (Still haven't gotten around to getting online from home.) This peckerhead next to me had earphones on and was playing music so loud my screen was shaking. (Well, I'm a exaggerating a little, but it was certainly clearly audible. And being the sensitive, artistic type that I am it really fucking annoyed me!)

I politely asked him to turn it down. "Eh?" he barked.

"Can you please turn it down a little?"

He lowered one of the earphones.

"Could you please turn it down? It's really loud."

He just stared back at me vacantly and said, "So?"

No change.

As I moved to another PC I made a couple of snippy comments about him having brain damage. Don't think he heard me, but.

Now, I'm proud of being very un-PC and all, and I'm more than a tad shat off with bimbo-feminist carping about men (that sentiment probably comprises half this blog, I reckon). But what is it about blokes, Walkmans, and stupid music? Whenever you hear that moronic backbeat in a train carriage or on a bus and you look around to locate its source, sure as shit it's never a woman.

Whenever I see these guys I want to say: Do you know what you're doing to your brain with that crap? (In fact, I have said that a couple of times. Either they don't hear me, or they just shrug disdainfully and turn the volume up.)

Don't get me wrong. I'm not a wowser. But imagine how loud that music would have to be that people several metres away can hear it and be annoyed by it? And it's always crap music. It's never Mozart, Pachelbel, or even Ray Charles now is it?

What are these guys trying to do? Is that malestrom of androgens causing them so much friggin' psychosexual angst that they just have to erase it with sound? Or is it some primal tribal thing? Or maybe it's because their neurons are so numbed already that only a thousand decibels at point blank range will do the gig?

Shit I dunno. Whatever the reason it really pisses me off. There oughta be a law, I say!

If you ever thought that fluffy wuffies were basically caring, sharing, huggy wuggy types whose only fault was their excessive zeal, then have a look at their reactions to the death of Michael Kelly.

They just glow with liberal love and goodwill.

Maybe not a smoking gun, but certainly a poisonously mouldy one.

(And re that whole WMD thing: Wasn't it nauseating to hear squits in the media carp petulantly about how long it was taking to find 'em during the war, when before it began they kept saying, "More time. More time!")

I found an amazing graph via Andrew Sullivan's blog. It shows which countries armed Iraq, and to what extent, over the last 30 years. As you'll see, Saddam acquired a large proportion of his weapons from France and Russia, two of the countries chanting, "Lay off him. He wouldn't hurt a fly!" (And contrary to the fluffy wuffy line, the Seppos have sold him close to buggerall.)

It's so revealing I'm almost suspicious of its veracity. Looks dinkum, but.

They called him "Chemical Ali". But now Ali is nothing but chemicals.

Poetic justice or what!

Hey Disney execs, you should check this story out. It says that at least one species of dinosaur habitually devoured its own kind. So they're not as cute and cuddly as that nauseating cartoon you recently inflicted upon us made them out to be.

My guess is that all dinos were so viciously cannibalistic they would have killed themselves off even if that comet hadn't hit the Yucatan Peninsula all them eons ago.

Dumb fucken lizards.

Gawd. Derek Sapphire is arcing up again -- this time about censorship. He reminds me of many bilious bolshie blowhards I've met in Artsville over the years. To them freedom of speech is the right to shout other people down.

Here's a bit of a cack. To get around anti-smoking laws, a restaurant in Noo Yawk is keeping the nicotine addicts happy by cooking meals with tobacco. It's not entirely original, since people have been eating hash cookies for yonks. A clever idea, but.

Will smack sandwiches be next?

Madonna balks at airing her explosive, Dubya-destroying fillum clip. Why?

"It was filmed before the war started, and I do not believe it is appropriate to air it at this time. Due to the volatile state of the world and out of sensitivity and respect to the armed forces, who I support and pray for, I do not want to risk offending anyone who might misinterpret the meaning of this video."

Bullshit, bimbo. You wussed out because you saw what happened to the Dixie Chicks, whose anti-war stance severely eroded their popularity and earning power.

Posturing pinko David Marr has been cranking out the corporate conspiracy line again. At some plonk-sodden toss-fest "Marr suggested that political and business 'elites' had inverted that term and directed it towards mostly poor and marginal artists. In response, literary novelists had retreated from the sharp edge of public debate."

What garbage. Arty wankers continue to squitter up a storm, dutifully squawking in crock-step with paranoid sushi-Stalinists like Marr. If some have grown silent it's probably because they've finally pulled their heads out of their arses and are actually contemplating things for a change.

The whole irony of being in Artsville is that you remain poor and marginal if you don't obey the lumpen squitterati, not if you do. (Even then you never become filthy rich, of course. Bureaucrats still nick most of the money. You do get slung a few bucks and a lump of stale gouda every now and then, but.)

This is way out of date for the blogosphere, but I just wanted to say a couple of things about the Oscars the other night: You've got to wonder about a bash that gives a fillum of pure fantasy (Bowling For Columbine) the best doco award and gives best actress honours to the insipid Nicole Kidman. Hell, the only convincing element of her performance was her friggin' nose, which was fake.

How prosthetic!

John J Ray deftly describes another good reason for invading Iraq:

"Simple: Once both Saddam and the Taliban are gone other Muslim leaders will get the message loud and clear that they must co-operate in the fight against terror or else. Simple and rational and highly desirable.

"If it was about oil why did the US intervene in Kosovo? No oil there. They intervened there for purely humanitarian reasons. If it was about oil they would have taken over Saudi Arabia. It produces more oil, has an army of only about 7,000 men and could be taken over in an afternoon. Which is why the Saudis try to be friendly of course."

And I'm sure there'll be other states who will be a lot more friendly when the war in Iraq is over.

If Whacko Jacko and Lisa Marie Presley weren't so damn super-famous, they would surely have ended up on Jerry Springer.

Here's Michael Moore on his anti-Bush rant at the Quackademy Awards: "I just hope I generated a discussion about Mr. Bush and the war."

What, like there hadn't been one already up to that point?

Solipsistic turd.

After recently discovering that Saddam has more than one female bio-terrorism expert, I suspected that the dashing dictator might have still others in his employ. And yes, I found out that as well as Dr Germ and Mrs Anthrax, there's also Sister Salmonella, Ms Malaria, Lady Legionella and Princess Plague.

Now that's what I call a-germ-ative action!

After over a month's inactivity my arch nemesis Derek Sapphire has resumed blogging again. God help us!

I'm not a journo or anything, but I think I've just stumbled on an editorial balls-up at the SMH. See, in this story about a video of one of Hussein's creepy meetings, the headline reads: "Saddam's 'Dr Germ' seen at meeting, says US".

As the story states, Dr Germ is Rihab Rashida Taha. Yet the chick in the vid is identified as Huda Salih Mahdi Ammash. Now her nickname is not "Dr Germ", it's actually "Mrs Anthrax".

They've got their Baath Party bio-terror babes all arse-about! So, either the army PR guys have made an error in attributing nicknames, and the SMH has just repeated it, or the editor has confused the two women. Either way it's pretty shoddy work. Also really sexist, since I doubt the SMH -- a renowned bastion of political correctness -- would make a similar mistake about men.

Jeez, it makes me so angry! When are women gonna be treated equally by the Western media? I mean, Saddam wouldn't make such a mistake now would he?

Sick to their stomachs from holding "vomit-ins", American appeaseniks are now holding "die-ins" where they all lob in a group and symbolically cark it. Jeez, wouldn't it be nice if they'd do it for real...